1. Social Media
I say that social media is the opioid of unhappy women.
Many of us consume way more social media… like many of us are literally addicted, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re unhappy in our marriages.
However, when a woman is unhappy in her marriage, social media becomes her drug of choice, and she has a lot of options.
Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Pinterest, X (formerly Twitter), Snapchat, name it!
All of these apps are so addictive.
I had to take a break from Facebook, where I’m mostly active, for my mental health, and I don’t miss it.
I don’t miss it because my real life is actually more fun and satisfying than social media.
An unhappy wife does not have that luxury.
So she’s scrolling for hours every day, looking for the connection, validation, and excitement her marriage isn’t providing.
She’s living vicariously through other people’s highlight reels because nothing is exciting about her own life.
She’s getting more dopamine hits from strangers’ likes and comments than from actual conversations with her husband.
In fact, she might post pictures of her “perfect life” and “blessed marriage” when behind the scenes, she and her husband barely speak to each other.
What she’s doing is creating this whole fantasy version of herself online.
The more confident, more interesting, more loved one, because the real version is nothing to write home about.
See, when you’re getting more emotional fulfillment from social media than from your marriage, that’s not just social media addiction; that’s using social media to fill a hole your husband should be filling.
One common thing about women like this is that they believe everyone else’s marriage is actually as perfect as their posts make them seem, which makes them feel even worse about their own situation.
2. Work
I love working.
I enjoy working.
It’s 10 PM and I’m writing this despite writing all day.
Loving your work and using work to avoid your marriage are two different things though.
When a woman is unhappy in her marriage, work becomes more than just a career; it becomes her emotional refuge.
She stays at the office later than necessary because she dreads going home.
She finds herself more excited about work achievements than anything happening in her personal life because work is where she feels valued.
Even her boss notices her contributions more than her husband notices her.
She builds her entire identity around professional success because her role as a wife feels like a failure.
She’s not just passionate about her career anymore; she’s using her career to fill the emotional void her husband left behind.
3. Over-Investing in the Children
As children are a blessing, so also is being a good and present mom.
There’s nothing wrong with loving your kids deeply and being involved in their lives.
In fact, that’s one of the most beautiful parts of motherhood.
But the problem is when a woman shifts her affection from her husband to her children because she’s unhappy.
This is very common where I’m from in Africa.
You’ll even hear women say boldly, “My children are my husband.”
It sounds poetic, but behind that statement is quiet pain.
It’s a confession that the man she married has failed as a husband, so she has transferred her love and energy to her kids.
She makes them her best friends and treats them like her confidants.
Children were never designed to carry their mother’s unmet emotional needs.
They love her, yes.
But they cannot replace a husband’s role.
And when they grow up and leave, the woman is left with nothing but an empty house and an empty marriage.
That’s why some women spiral badly during “empty nest syndrome.”
It’s not just the sadness of the kids leaving; it’s the heartbreak of realizing the only people who filled her emotional void have now moved on with their own lives.
4. Spending Too Much Time With Friends (or Family)
A solid support system is one of the prerequisites for a quality life.
You need your friends for the good times and the hard times.
And of course, an unhappy marriage is one of the worst things that will make a woman lean on her friends more than ever.
There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with your girls.
Laughter, gist, wine nights, random outings; they’re healthy.
In fact, they keep you sane.
But when a woman is truly unhappy in her marriage, you’ll notice she doesn’t just enjoy spending time with her friends… she clings to it.
You’ll find her at every hangout, even the ones she used to roll her eyes at.
She’s always on the phone, always in the group chat, starting a chat, and always planning the next outing.
It feels better than being with a man who doesn’t see her anymore.
If her husband doesn’t notice and step in, soon her friends become her real family and her emotional home.
And the marriage becomes just a title.
A woman who is happy in her marriage loves her friends, but she always longs to go back to her man.
While a woman who is unhappy in her marriage leans on her friends because she dreads going back to her man.
5. Daydreaming and Escaping Into Fantasy
Daydreaming is fun.
Real life is too stressful, and sometimes we all need our escape.
Whether it’s books, movies, K-dramas, or endless Netflix binging, fantasy gives us a break from reality.
And that’s fine.
Everyone deserves a little escape now and then.
That’s why The Rookie will always be a forever favorite.
It’s a series I love ending my day with.
It’s literally self-care for me.
For an unhappy woman, fantasy is her lifeline.
She doesn’t just read a novel for fun, she’s looking for the love story her own life is missing.
In fact, she clings to the lyrics of songs because they say what her husband doesn’t.
Isn’t it easier to stay up till 3 am watching fictional couples kiss and fight and make up than lie next to a man who makes her miserable?
None of these things is bad on its own.
In fact, they’re normal parts of life.
But when they become escape routes instead of extras, it’s a clear sign that something is broken at home.
A happy wife doesn’t need to run away from her marriage; she enjoys her life outside, but always longs to come back home.
Home is the last place an unhappy wife wants to be, so she builds her joy elsewhere.
You can only distract yourself for so long.
Eventually, the loneliness catches up.
Husbands, take note.
If your wife is spending all her time in places that don’t include you, it’s not because she’s too busy or too distracted.
Maybe you are the one she’s running away from.
Keep loving your wife.
Cherish her intentionally.
Make home the one place she never wants to escape from.
Because a woman who is truly loved doesn’t need substitutes; she’s already full.